oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
