Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
