I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
