it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
