So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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