dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
