i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
