So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
