you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
