I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i think im in europe. pls send help
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
