Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
