I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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