I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
