I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
