I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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