these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
