question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
