smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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