friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
