I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
