And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
