I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
