i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
