So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I had to cum in my sink.
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