His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
