What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
