I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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