u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
