I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
