Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
third nipple confirmed
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
