haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
