everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
