Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
