so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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