I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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