so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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