I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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