I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
