The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
