Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
