Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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