Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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