I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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