You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I will pee on everything he values.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
