somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
