Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
