There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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