She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
