the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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