What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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