Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
