Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
