He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
