im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
